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For so long, I made decisions and saw options through the ‘or lens’. You know the drill, ‘I have to do this or this’ or ‘I can choose to be happy or sad’, etc. And honestly, it felt like I was pushing myself to show up, like I was powering through and finding the upside in situations. And then I worked with a coach who asked me two simple questions: “why does it have to be one or the other? Why can’t it be both?” Honestly, that had never really been an option in my mind when it came to my own mental state and perspective. I mean how could something be hard and fun? Or how I could I feel joy and sadness?
But that is the funny thing about our brains. We like to think that things are an either/or prospect because it feels like a decision. I mean, if I tell myself that I cannot do something now because of this other thing going on, it feels like I am making a decision and managing but what if that did not have to be true? What if I could find more personal time and also work on a strategic project at work? What if I could feel anxious about what is happening in politics but also joy in watching sports? See, what I learned was that the 'or' mindset was actually slowing me down, holding me back, keeping me from accomplishing my goals. Yep, the very thing that I was telling myself was keeping me focused, had actually turned into me allowing my fears to win.
This does not mean that I went out and decided that I was going to tackle every goal right now. I actually talk a lot about choosing goals with focus and priority because I do think that we need to be intentional. You might be asking: what is the difference between being intentional and finding our 'and' mindset? For me, that means being aware of the goals I have, prioritizing what I want to focus on and being willing to acknowledge that my mindset is the biggest determination of my own success. It is about allowing the entire experience to be part of my life, not choosing easy over hard, not avoiding fear but acknowledging it, recognizing that I can fail and still have success.
I made a list of the goals I had and noted where I had brought my 'or' mindset to the table and what would shift if I moved that to an 'and' mindset. I still focus on my goals with priority, which for me means being specific, direct, open and willing to fail, but I have started to shed that 'or' mentality, which was holding me back. Let me share one of the goals that had an 'or' mindset and how I shifted it.
I have been working on goals around my health for the last few years and increasing my physical activity consistently was a goal where I had 'or' mindset. I had to work out for at least 30 minutes at a time or it was not worth it. I had to do certain activities or it did not count. These thoughts made it so it was easy to quit on myself. After a few weeks of not getting 30 minute workouts in, I would think thoughts like "I am just not someone who exercises consistently" or "when my schedule calms down, we can focus on creating a routine". So, as I wrote down this goal and acknowledged my 'or' mindset, I thought about what an 'and' mindset would look like and this is what I created: I can be busy and still take time for me; physical activity can take all forms and make a difference. They are simple statements but they represent a huge mindset shift for me. And, creating a new mindset allows me to show my brain that it is possible to not have it all figured out AND be willing to keep learning how to figure it out!
How would changing 'or' to 'and' shift your mindset and what possibilities could you create with one small word change?