Excited to Fail

Did you read that title and think "really, Molly?" Because I will tell you that for most of my life, exactly the opposite was true for me. I feared failure, I hated the idea of failing at anything and I avoided choices that could lead to failing. And, you know what? I still failed. Trying to avoid something does not make it non-existent, it just creates a lot more pain and suffering around it. That is also a lesson that I can still struggle to remember as I consider goals, dreams, opportunities and my future.

When I first started thinking about shifting my thoughts on failure, I had physical reactions, like sweaty palms, a pit in my stomach and a lump in my throat. It was so eye opening to me that I could have such a physical response to a thought and a belief! I remember writing some of my thoughts down about failure and thinking about how most of my fears were tied to what others would think of me, how others would see me and my belief that failure meant something was wrong with me. So, I started thinking about how I thought about others who had failed in my life and how I perceived them and I wrote down words like strong, resilient, empathetic, courageous, and inspiring. When I went back and read what my thoughts were about me failing and how I saw others' failures, the disconnect jumped out at me right away.

Now, I wish I could tell you that the disconnect led me to shift my thoughts about failure right away, but it did not. But it did create awareness, and as I often remind myself, I cannot undo knowing and knowing is half the battle! So, I started doing the work - I started thinking about what things I was not doing because I was scared, I started thinking about where I was holding myself back out of fear and I started deciding what goals were bigger than my fear of not achieving them. That shift led me to start thinking about failure through different lenses. The biggest lens was curiosity. What was I not doing because I was scared? What could I do if I set aside that fear and tried? What could I learn from failure? Don't get me wrong - I have failed plenty of times in my life and, as a leader, I often encourage my teams to allow people to 'fail safely' so that they learn and grow. My logical brain absolutely understood that failure was important to who I am, how I have grown and what I can achieve but it still hated it, still wanted to run from it and still hoped that I could find my success without having to experience failure, regardless of the truth in that thought.

All of that work has led me to the thought I I have now, which is that I am excited to fail, which sometimes still sounds crazy for a moment when I say it or when I write it, but it is genuinely how I feel. I am excited that I am pushing myself to take opportunities where the outcome is not certain, I am excited that I am willing to bet on my future self, without knowing exactly where that will take me and I am excited that I am going farther and faster than I have before because I have changed how I think about failure. I have not run from failure, I have not white-knuckled my way through failing and I am not skipping out on my big goals because of my fear of failing. That does not mean that there are not days where I think that I am failing and it feels bad or hard. What it does mean is that I am recognizing that I get to decide. I have the power with my thoughts and beliefs to decide how I want to think about failure, how I want to experience failure and what power I want to assign to failure. And, for every failure that I record, I am noting what I am learning, how I am growing and what results I am achieving because I shifted my thought to 'I am excited to fail'.

So, what fear is holding you back from your biggest goals and dreams? And, can you choose a new thought that might just change your perspective and create excitement?