No is a Complete Sentence.

How many times have you said no to someone, followed by your reason or justification or defense? I am SO guilty of this. So much so, that I have this quote as a reminder to myself. Now, you may think, why does it matter? And here is what I’ve learned:

• when we feel the need to defend our no, we often allow others’ needs to be important than our own

• when we learn to say no, we create space to say yes to our priorities

• learning to be uncomfortable allows us to really find our growth

• saying no reminds us to respect our own boundaries

This week I said no to a few things and it was uncomfortable and I wanted to explain myself, and defend my no. But then I reminded myself that it didn’t matter what someone else thought about my no, it only mattered what I thought. Do I like my reason for saying no? Was my no driven by my boundaries or priorities? When my answers to those questions is yes, I know that I am learning to keep my commitments to myself and so many of the feelings that can come up with saying no - guilt, disappointment, shame - get easier to process. You'll notice I did not say 'go away'. We have to remind ourselves that as we continue to change and work on how we want to show up in the world, we do not miraculously stop experiencing 'negative' emotions, we just learn how to manage and process them differently, so that they create less disruption.

Honestly, as I was writing this post, I wrote details about what I said no to and realized I was justifying my noes to my readers! We are so conditioned to make others feel better, to define choices as ‘valid’ or ‘invalid’, that the simple act of saying no can create so many thoughts about ourselves and our relationships with others. So, the next time you are faced with saying no - think about what is important to you and how you want to show up for yourself and decide if your sentence can end at no. Practicing saying no without qualifiers or apologies or justifications is our opportunity to show up for ourselves and remind ourselves that when we decide with intention, when we are confident in our reason, just saying no becomes that much easier.

How can you practice no as a complete sentence?